Goodbye Lonely Days
by no-rhyme-no-reason-in-love
Summary: She couldn't live with it; it would break her. She couldn't live without it; it would kill her. So she had to find the balance between her reality and her fantasy. (Takes place after the Quincy Arc. Paired piece to Hello Halcyon Days. Read it first before this story!)
1. Hope

A/N: I did it! I made the first chapter of this brand new story! It might be weird. I wrote this in third person limited and past tense. I think when I catch up to the events of Hello Halcyon Days (I'm trying to complete the next chapter. I have writer's block. TT TT), I will switch to present tense. I'm still weighing my options. Although the dialogue is scarce, as I didn't want to repeat a lot of it (only the important dialogue will be repeated), in the future chapters, there will be talking, but more of Orihime and other people. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy and review!

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It would have been easy. So easy to slip into _its_ trap. She almost welcomed _it_ with open arms like a fool. She couldn't help herself. Not when he looked at her in that way. Not when he treated her so gently.

So call her a fool. She'd wear the title proudly because she never once regretted loving him. Never once doubted her love for him. And how could she? No, really, how could she possibly not love him? It was a wonder in itself how he didn't have everyone falling for him? Then again, it was probably best that that didn't happen. She had once believed that it would be better if more people liked him. Back before her crush turned into love. Now, well, she knew better.

Did she know better? The moment she stepped from the gate, the second her eyes found his, she almost yelled her feelings at him. She really did. Because he had been so tense, so hurt, but when he looked at her, looked at _her_ , she saw all the stress in him vanquish. What stopped her besides good sense was that a second later, his eyes tightened and his posture stiffened, and she knew what he was feeling. Guilt.

All she could do was smile at him and prayed that it conveyed to him what she couldn't say aloud due the distance between them. He smiled back with that crooked and awkward smile of his, a smile which told everyone that he wasn't quite used to the action, and she swore that she fell in love all over again.

When he reached her, that pesky emotion overtook her, leading her to believe that he would hug her, but he didn't. He asked if she was okay, and she reasoned that was enough for her. That was his version of a hug. So she pushed _that_ emotion down. For the moment, at least.

It would be weeks, maybe months until they finally make it home. It was always difficult to tell how much time passed when she wasn't in the human world, so she couldn't honestly pinpoint how long that they have been gone. She just knew that it was far longer than she wanted. But despite her homesickness, she would also miss the companionship. She'd have to go back to sleeping alone, waking up alone, eating alone, and just…being alone.

So when everyone started heading their own way, she was reluctant to say goodbye, but she managed to keep her smile in place. It was just her and him, and although she wished to prolong the impending goodbye, she didn't have the courage to ask him to stay with her just a bit longer. She only could blush and tell him that she would be going.

And then he offered to walk her home, and her heart started to beat faster. She initially had declined. It was probably a reflex, but it also could have been her mind subtly telling her to not fall into _its_ tempting lure. She told herself that this was just his way of being nice, a gentleman, and because she craved his company, she agreed. She wouldn't think anything of his offer.

But she knew that was a lie. She did think something, and she begrudged herself. She did so even more when she revealed a part of her feelings to him without thought. She didn't look at him when she said it, but she heard him stumble on his words. And though she thought it cute, she also found it to be…an underwhelming response.

She really felt stupid. She had always been cautious against _it_ but apparently not enough.

Luckily for her, her stomach chose that moment to distract her. And her luck increased when he said that they should stop by to eat somewhere. And then it decreased when she realized that she didn't have money to pay for anything. And then increased when he told her that it was his treat. And then decreased when he realized he didn't have money either. But it was alright with her. Just the thought of him treating her to anything, of him wanting to spend time with her, it was more than filling to her. She was perfectly happy.

Of course, her stomach didn't really agree with her heart. No, her hunger had no tact, and it dared to contradict her words in which her brain had carefully picked out to alleviate his embarrassment. It betrayed her! Or maybe she betrayed her stomach first. When was the last time she ate? To her stomach, she had one job: feed it! And she hadn't. But really! Couldn't it have just waited until she was away from him to voice its protest?

She turned around and gave her stomach a fist-sandwich, hoping that it would be enough to ease her stomach pangs. If not, she whispered to her belly to quiet down. Just until she was alone. Just until he left her.

He called her name, and spun to face him. She watched as he gained this abashed expression, and he began pulling at his hair. She thought it made him look boyish, and she swooned over him.

When he slammed his fist into his palm, she snapped out of her admiration. He declared that he had an idea, and so she followed him until she was by his side. She couldn't help noticed that she was walking _by_ his side and not slightly _behind_ him. There was always a little space that he kept from her, but she thought it normal. But what was this? Why did he not speed up? Why were they walking next to each other?

Her heart gave a powerful thump against her chest while that feeling threatened to make itself prominent. She had to mentally beat _it_ back.

They walked and talked until he zoned out. She called his name, concerned because his mannerism and his spiritual pressure became different. Dark.

She moved in front of him as he stopped, and she waved her hand, trying to get his attention. She was so concentrated on him that she nearly slapped his face, but his fast reflexes stopped her. He grabbed her wrist.

The contact was so surprising, so unexpected that she ripped her wrist from his grasp. She could probably count how many times he touched her on both hands. What she couldn't do on both hands was count how many times she ached for more.

She blushed at the stray thought, and she apologized. For almost hitting him because if she tried to apologize for the longing thought about him, well, it would probably be the last thing she would say to him; she would combust from the sheer amount of embarrassment that would come from the admission.

She bowed to him for added measure. She almost banged her head against his when she tried to straighten up. He dodged her unintentional attack, and he made a joke while bumping his fist against her head. And that felt…so strange. That was definitely not normal.

They were friends. She knew that with all heart. She couldn't doubt it or debate it. They were, but he also treated her a bit differently than his other friends. His teasing was always with words. Where he was physical with everyone else, he kept his hands away from her. Even with Tatsuki-chan and Kuchiki-san, he would playfully hit them, but with her…nothing. He would have never done that before. Something had changed.

Her hands flown up to grab her head. What was she thinking?! He couldn't possibly…he would never…

She ran forward in an attempt to run away from _it._ Why was _it_ bothering her? She was happy! She was perfectly content with hiding her feelings. Unrequited love was just fine with her!

Or it used to be. Before _it_ started to rear its head at her.

She faced him. "I'll keep it away from you, I promise." She didn't know exactly what she was referring to: her feelings or her head. Probably both but mostly her head. She really didn't know what her head was made of. It couldn't be just bone. It must be steel, and then an image of her future self that she drew so many moons ago popped up in her thoughts, and she voiced her musings aloud. She wondered if she could become a robot, and if she did, would her head be the first to become robotic? She kind of hope that was true. She wouldn't have too much emotions if she were just a robot.

She bopped and beeped, and she internally cheered when she pried out a laugh from him. She felt so accomplished that she lost her balance and fell.

He rushed to her, and he stuck his hand out. She looked at it, but she jumped to her feet without taking his hand. She wasn't confident that if she placed her hand in his that she would be able to let him go.

She heard him try to ask if she was alright, but at that moment, she saw the shop which he had mentioned, and she pointed it out to him. He told her that was the shop, and he instructed that she let him go inside first, so she stayed behind.

She heard yelling, and curiosity got the best of her: she stepped inside.

When she did, she was met with his boss, but more than that, she was met with a part of him that she didn't know before. Throughout the evening, she watched him in this environment. She even saw when he reached out with his hand like he was going to touch her. She chalked that up to her wishful imagination.

But she liked this part of him. To her, it felt like he acted his age. He seemed more like the teenager he was rather than the man he tried to be, the man who shouldered the world on his shoulders.

When they get ready to leave, she thanked Ikumi-san for the food and hospitality. But she also silently thanked her for treating him with such kindness. For protecting him in those months in which he needed it.

Back outside, he continued to walk her home. Their conversation was as natural and smooth as it always was. She was grateful that despite her feelings for him, she was still able to talk to him with ease. Sure she would blush and stumble on her words, but they always managed to communicate with each other.

Once her apartment building was in sight, the loneliness started to sneak up on her. The second she parted with him, she would become alone again. Alone and lonely.

She swallowed back the melancholy that swirled in her and thought of a possible temporary solution.

She proposed the idea to him about having a small get-together, and his eyes softened, and again, _that_ emotion bubbled in her, and when he agreed to her proposal, she felt _it_ even more to the point where it escaped from her throat in the form of a squeal. Fortunately for her, weird noises were pretty normal for her so he wouldn't think nothing of it.

Instead, she expressed her excitement, and then she thanked him. He gained this humbled, embarrassed look, and he brushed away her gratitude, but what he didn't realize was that she was thanking him for everything, so she had to explicitly tell him that her thanks included more than just escorting her home.

She didn't stay to see his expression. She decided it would be best, so she hauled herself to her apartment. She stared at her door briefly before turning to lean against the railing. In a hushed voice, she shouted a goodbye to him. And she blamed it on the night because for a second, she thought she saw something. Not a smile. Not a scowl. Just something that if it were on anybody's face, she could identify it correctly. Dazzled. He looked like he was dazzled. And that was bad. Because if that were true, if she was the one that caused that state, she would have trouble trying to suppress _it_.

She entered her apartment and turned on the light. Nothing had changed, and she counted herself lucky that no one had broken in despite how she left her door unlocked. But after that relief wore off, she was greeted with silence.

"I'm home," she whispered. No response but that was okay. She didn't dwell on it. She just walked over to her brother's shrine and started to relay the events that happened. She kept all the negative parts to herself. She wouldn't want to worry her brother.

"We're having this small party tomorrow. At Kurosaki-kun's home…I know what you're thinking. I'm just going there as a friend, so don't worry!" She was sure that her brother would have been overprotective of her if he were still alive especially when it came to boys. "But...would it be okay? To feel it?" She thought of her love's parting expression. "Should I allow myself to do it?" She asked. "Ahh!" She ruffled her hair. "What would it hurt if I just…if I just hoped."

But she knew the answer. It would hurt a lot.

So it would have been easy. So easy to slip into hope's trap. She almost welcomed hope with open arms like a fool. And despite the way he looked at her, the way he treated her so gently, she wouldn't give herself permission to do it. She wouldn't hope for something more. Because…because hope was for suckers.

She knew she was a fool in love, but she wouldn't be a sucker.


	2. Rose-Colored Glasses

A/N: So I'm back! Kind of. I had this almost done for a couple of months, and since I'm busy, I can't work on HHD (also I have terrible writer's block! Again), so I thought I'd upload this. So as I reread this, I realized that this story might be…boring? Just because we already know how Orihime feels about Ichigo, and Hello Halcyon Days does an alright job on hammering out her feelings in the first place. But I will continue this story, albeit slowly, because there are a couple of scenes that I have written in her perspective, and they will make you cry! Because they made me cry so…Anyways, keep reading, enjoying, and reviewing. I'll be able to continue my writing after Tuesday, so look for an update then!

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She arrived very early at his home. She hadn't meant to. She really didn't, but she just couldn't sleep. She was sure that she must have dozed off for a bit, but it felt like she had been awake for days. And so she was tired, and she believed she would continue to have episodic insomnia because the underlying problem would probably never disappear. She didn't have Sado-kun's snoring or the familiar beeps of Urahara-san's machines or Nel-chan and her brothers' loud playing through the barren Hueco Mundo or the buzz of movement in Soul Society as it tried to piece itself back together or anything else but her own breathing to dissolve the all-surrounding, all-knowing silence that permeated her room. She was forced back into her habitat of solitude and loneliness, and she knew that sleep would evade her until she became adjusted again to the crazed stillness of her life. Until she became used to sleeping and being alone.

She debated if she should knock on the door or just wait outside till everyone else showed up. It was chilly, sure, but she was prepared with her long skirt and jacket. She really didn't mind just leaning against the wall, but the door swung open, and Kurosaki-san greeted her with a huge grin. She met his smile with one of her own, relieved for the welcoming gesture, relieved when the silence that clung to her fell where she stood.

He invited her in, and she quickly made her way inside while apologizing for her early intrusion. He laughed it off, and then he said that having a beautiful, young woman showing up ahead of schedule was not an intrusion but a blessing. She blushed at the compliment and was about to deny his words, but Yuzu-chan stepped into the room and offered her own greeting, and she forgot her thought.

Her attention switched to the blonde girl, and she said hello. She was tempted, very tempted, to hug the younger girl, but she remembered the lesson of personal boundaries Tatsuki-chan had given her, so she refrained.

Yuzu-chan asked if she had eaten anything yet, and she shook her head. Kurosaki-san told her to eat breakfast, that there was plenty, and she followed him to the kitchen, looking behind her to see if the smaller girl was behind her, but she was gone.

She would have asked the man in front of her, but her eyes landed on Karin-chan, and she smiled at the brunette who smiled back and offered her a simple omelet. She gladly accepted the plate and walked over to the table, taking a seat next to Karin-chan. She dug in, and she heard Kurosaki-san making a comment about how she was still beautiful even when wolfing down food. She chocked on a piece of food, and she caught Karin-chan striking her own father with her foot, causing the man to crumble to the floor. Karin-chan placed one foot on the fallen man while criticizing him for being perverted and obnoxious.

She laughed. She laughed more than she should have, but she was glad that noise was filling her ears. She was glad that there wasn't a moment of silence.

Yuzu-chan joined them, and she informed her that Kurosaki-kun will be down after his shower. After hearing that, she could feel her cheeks heating up because the image of the boy she loved in that kind of setting started to cloud her thoughts. She quickly stuffed another bite in her mouth, hoping that would take her mind off him.

Through the chewing, she remarked that the twins must be happy because their brother was finally home, and they both nodded eagerly, one more apparent than the other. They both told her that they were glad to have him back, and she was struck by how much the sisters adored their brother. And she smiled at the thought that Kurosaki-kun was loved so unconditionally by his sisters. She smiled even more when she realized that the orange haired boy loved his sisters just as much, if not more. And she was even more immensely relieved that he made it home to them.

The topic switched to what had happened since they have been gone, and Yuzu-chan announced that she joined the culinary club, and she was quickly climbing the ranks to best chef. Karin-chan said that it was unfair for her twin to be in that club since her skills were too honed and good. She agreed with Karin-chan, and she asked Yuzu-chan that if it wasn't a bother, she would love to be taught some new recipes. The petite girl agreed with excitement.

With the prospect of learning something new, she suddenly thought of a segment she saw on television, and she spoke the idea out loud. She heard Yuzu-chan leave the table and come back with rice and other ingredients while Karin-chan cleared the table. She would have apologized for the inconvenience for her whims, but Yuzu-chan had already started to mold her, and she looked like she was having fun. Even Karin-chan participated in making human-shaped onigiri by stating that she would make Tatsuki-chan. She started with molding Sado-kun, and the two young girls laughed at the size she made him.

While they worked, Karin-chan stated that her team was doing really well, and that they may even make it to the top. She congratulated the girl on her winning-streak, and she added that maybe she can come watch sometime. She had also presented the girls with the prospect of playing the game she invented with Tatsuki-chan.

They both nodded, and she felt her heart swell up. It was always nice to spend time with the two girls. She liked them very much, and she enjoyed their company. And maybe…maybe she just enjoyed feeling like she was a part of their family, even though she knew that she wasn't and would never be.

"Ichi-nii, what are you doing there?"

She turned a little and saw Kurosaki-kun step around the corner. She hadn't felt his reiatsu before, but she felt it now, and she warmed at the familiarly of him. She became even warmer when she saw him turtle into the towel around his neck. He was cute, so cute…

She snapped herself back to focus. She had to greet him! And she did while offering an apology and an explanation of her early arrival, and he accepted all of it, and then asked what she was making.

"Customized onigiri! They are supposed to look like all of us!" She turned back to the table to pick up one to show him, barely noticing that she, without thought, started to create Kurosaki-kun. He must had been on her mind.

She blinked, and she reached for the first onigiri that she made. "It's Sado-kun!"

"Yeah," he said, and she saw him moving a bit closer to her. Every step that he took made her heart beat a bit faster, and when he asked who she was making now, her heart went into overdrive. She moved her body and the onigiri closer together, trying to block his sight for two reasons: she didn't want him to see it unfinished, and she didn't want for him to know that she made it. It was embarrassing, and she felt that it would make her feelings obvious.

Luckily for her, Kurosaki-san pulled his son from the room, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Karin-chan asked why her cheeks were so red, and she avoided the question and instead commented that Kurosaki-san and Kurosaki-kun were so much alike. Karin-chan agreed, stating that they were both perverted brutes. Yuzu-chan told her sister not to lump their innocent brother with their dad, and they all laughed.

She stopped laughing when she felt the presence of someone so near to her, and then she heard her voice, and before she knew it, she was answering the door and throwing herself at her best friend.

She missed her desperately. Though she had talked to Tatsuki-chan on the phone last night, it was nothing like holding her in her arms. And yes, she did know personal boundaries, but when it came to Tatsuki-chan, those suggestions didn't exist because Tatsuki-chan was the exception. And although she knew that Tatsuki-chan didn't really like physical contact, she was allowed to rub her cheek against hers without repulsion or objection because she was the exception for Tatsuki-chan, too.

She was lost in the embrace, the embrace that screamed home for her, when Kurosaki-kun yelled and snapped her out of her blissful state…snapped was the wrong word. Plummeted would be better because she felt horrible hearing Kurosaki-kun yell at Tatsuki-chan for her mistake. And mistake it was because she forgot. She was so happy, so relaxed with Yuzu-chan and Karin-chan that she forgot her manners, and now, he was mad.

"A-ano, Kurosaki-kun?" She interrupted. "I let her in…I'm sorry," she apologized. She felt hot tears filling her eyes, so she hid behind Tatsuki-chan in case she couldn't stop them from escaping. She felt Tatsuki-chan's stroking her head, and she leaned on her more.

She didn't dare look at him. Not even when she heard him retract his words. She just kept her eyes away from him, and when all of their friends showed up, she found it easier to do. Of course, half of her thoughts revolved around him, but the other half was focused on memorizing each detail she heard from her friends. Her eyes tediously worked to trace her friends' features like the way Asano-kun's eyes filled with admiration when he talked to Kurosaki-kun or the way Kojima-kun's body shifted to whomever was talking despite him being on his phone or the way Chizuru-chan's smile grew when Tatsuki-chan didn't block her advances.

In the middle of the gathering, she excused herself to retrieve the tray of onigiri, and once she reached the kitchen, she saw all the made onigiri. Yuzu-chan and Karin-chan probably finished making them. How sweet of them.

She approached the food items, and with her finger, she pushed the onigiri of her toward the one of Kurosaki-kun until they were side-by-side. Before today, she would had thought that they were getting closer. They certainly felt closer, but she had to act without thinking, and she had angered him.

But maybe that was a good thing. Because he was always himself with everyone else. He didn't hold himself back like he did with her. Sure, once upon a time, a small part of her believed that his soft tone that he used with her meant something, but the realistic part of her, the pessimistic side of her that she didn't want anyone seeing, deduced that he only spoke that way to her because she was weak. So weak that she wouldn't be able to handle his personality, so he had to monitor the way he interacted with her. He had to restrict his behavior. So if he was angry with her, that had to mean that he was looking at her differently, right? Maybe he was finally seeing her as someone strong enough to be by his side…maybe he would see her as an equal like Kuchiki-san. Maybe she was finally becoming worthy.

She shook her head. None of that made sense, and all those thoughts had kept her in the kitchen for too long. She picked up the tray and started to walk back to the living room, but before she became visible to everyone, she carefully moved the onigiri of her back to the position it originally was. Back to being away from him because that was the reality. That was her reality, and she'd better get used to.

Time passed too quickly for her. She wanted to be with everyone just a bit longer, but it was time to leave. She was tempted to stay and help clean, but she already imposed herself more than once today, so she bade the Kurosaki family a thank you and a goodbye.

"I'm sorry," she said to her friend once they were apart from the group.

"For what?" Tatsuki-chan responded.

She looked down at her feet as they walked. "For making Kurosaki-kun angry at you."

"You idiot. You don't need to apologize," she said. "And Ichigo's not angry. Annoyed, maybe, and he's annoying, sure, but he's not angry."

She laughed. "He's not annoying," she defended.

"When are you going to take off those rose-colored glasses of yours?"

She sighed. _If only it were that simple_ , she thought to herself.

Out loud, though, she exclaimed, "Wouldn't that be a cool superpower?!"

Her friend gave her a skeptical look.

"Think about it, Tatsuki!" She moved closer and threw an arm around her friend's shoulder. With her free hand, she pointed to her eyes. "You would have these glasses, and you would see all the good in people. See their good and their potential to be good." She sighed. "What a wonderful power."

Tatsuki snorts.

"That would be a completely stupid superpower. Plus, what would happen when you take the glasses off?"

"Ummm…I haven't thought that far."

"Of course, you haven't. But, if it's any consolation, I think you already have the ability to see the good in people." She paused. "Then again, that's one of your downfall, too."

She smiled.

"Are you worried about me, Tatsuki?"

Her friend remained quiet.

"You won't tell me what happened over there."

She squeezed the other closer to her.

"Because there's nothing to tell! We went over there, everyone fought, and the good guys won! That's it!"

"What about you? Did you fight? Did you get hurt?"

She blinked. She didn't know what to do. She didn't like lying, but to tell the truth, the truth that had already happened, would cause nothing but unnecessary worry.

She shook her head.

"Nope! I was well protected. Not a scratch!"

Her friend looked at her, and she knew that she hadn't convinced her at all. But instead of pressing on, Tatsuki wrapped an arm around her waist and gave her a hug.

"Good. I don't know what I'd do if…if," Tatsuki laid her head on her shoulder, her sentence trailing off.

She moved her head and pressed her lips against black hair.

"We're fine. I'm fine. It's all over."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

And she smiled. Because it felt good to tell the truth. Even if it was a partial truth, it was still truthful enough to soothe her conflicted heart.


End file.
